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Dear Fearless Love, Who are you – really?
I am considering joining an online dating site. I have heard that people online frequently misrepresent themselves and many are already married. I think people you meet in person can do the same thing. That got me thinking, what information should I be asking people I “meet” online. What type of information should I ask when we’re corresponding and before we actually meet?
— Anthony, 49 and divorced
Dear Anthony,
I find the title of your request to be your guide: Who are you- really, Anthony? Whether dating online or in more traditional ways the first order of business is to know yourself.
You should know whether you are looking for recreational short-term dating, long-term relationship or marriage.
What are your non-negotiables for example: honesty, financial stability, where you’d like to live, children, lifestyle, religion, etc.? How about your interests? Do you see yourself rollerblading, bowling or going to the symphony with your partner?
Once you narrow down your needs and interests what you are looking for becomes more apparent. You can tailor your conversations around what’s important to you. Also pay close attention to how you feel both on the phone call and in person. Trust your intuition. If you are sensing something is not quite right or a red flag comes up than you’re probably right. Don’t make excuses for it and move on.
There are a variety of online dating site. Do your research before making a selection as you may find that some sites can take a lot of the guess work out of the sorting process.
Happy Dating!
Dear Fearless Love,
I’m 35 and have been married 3 years. Frankly speaking, I married because¬ I didn’t want to be left alone. I got caught up in the fun of the romance and the wedding planning. So here I find myself with all the newfound fun a distant memory and wondering how to “make this work.” We do love each other. But now I want more for the both of us. How do we start over?
Can it be done? And, how do we do this?
–Beve, 35 married
Dear Beve,
It seems that you have moved through the honeymoon or romanticized love phase of your relationship which centers on attraction, bonding, ecstasy, hopes and dreams, usually lasting about 2-3 years. The next phase is described as the power struggle depicted with disillusionment, frustration, anger and/or being at an impasse, which would explain why the fun is a distant memory and you’re wondering how to “make it work”.
Congratulations for wanting more out of your relationship. You’ve entered the re-commitment phase, which is a journey of growth and healing. From here you move into doing the work to co-create the marriage of your dreams. Start by asking yourself what your ideal marriage looks like. You can create a collage of pictures or a mind map of words to help you. Be real with yourself first. Then share your dreams with your husband, keeping an open mind that he may have his own visions and dreams. With a renewed vision of what marriage is, for the both of you, and dedication to it, you can attain the love and connection that only exists in committed love. Enjoy the journey of rediscovering love.
If you have a question for Jianny email her at Jianny@FearlessLove.net or speak with her personally 954-495-4566.
For divorcees, I support you to stabilize, heal, and recover; navigate through this life transition in a way that promotes a healthy living and to finding love again by finding yourself first. Nothing excites me more than to empower you to embrace balance, inner peace, passion, and love.
Jianny Adamo,MA, LPC, LMHC, NCC
238 NE 1st Ave, Ste.104, Delray Beach, FL 33444
www.fearlesslove.net
Tel: 954-495-4566
