Want to try different things to spice up your relationship but get embarrassed or shy away from things that are new or unfamiliar? Maybe you want to be adventurous and have more confidence but something is keeping you from being open and free. You hold back from trying which then starts to cause boredom, frustration, or lack of intimacy because your partner is tired of doing the same thing over and over again. It could be that you just have no desire and just never really did. That is when you start feeling bad or guilty and pull away even more because you think something is wrong with you or that you look at doing things out of the box as wrong or “dirty”. You may be sexually inhibited and it may be affecting the intimacy in your relationship.
What is sexual inhibition?
Sexual inhibition, also called ISD (inhibited sexual desire) is when you are suppressing sexual desire or the inability to feel sexual desire, or to perform. It usually manifests as at least 3 of these symptoms:
no or little interest in sexual activity
no or few sexual thoughts
no or few attempts to initiate sexual activity or respond to partner’s initiation
no or little sexual pleasure/excitement in 75%-100% of sexual experiences
no or little sexual interest in internal or external erotic stimuli
no or few genital/nongenital sensations in 75%-100% of sexual experiences
You can have ISD primary where you have always felt this way or ISD secondary where you used to feel more sexual but don’t feel that way now. You need to question yourself and see if this is something related to the connection to your partner, where you don’t have interest in them, or maybe you just don’t have an interest in anyone or think about sex regardless if you were in or out of your relationship.
There are quite a few reasons that someone may feel sexually inhibited which can start with their current relationship. Communication issues, lack of affection, conflict, power struggles and not having enough alone time together are common factors. Religious beliefs and family values through our upbringing can also have a significant impact on how we feel about sex and what we are comfortable doing or not doing. When people aren’t sleeping well and are stressed, depressed or fatigued, this also keeps people from being more open to trying different things because their brain is just focused on rest. People who were victims of childhood sexual abuse or rape, and those whose marriages lack emotional intimacy are especially at risk for ISD.
So what are some ways to overcome sexual inhibitions? Baby steps. Try a different position, try different rooms, try using hands and being in the moment with massage, a little more foreplay can be helpful. Couples should also separate sex and affection, so that they won’t be afraid that affection will always be seen as an invitation to have sex. It’s important to make sure that you are having affection that doesn’t lead to anything other than spending quality time together so it breaks that cycle of thinking every touch has to turn into sex. Regularly setting aside “prime time,” before exhaustion sets in, for both talking and sexual intimacy will improve closeness and sexual desire, even 30 minutes a few times a week. Try using a blindfold so it can allow you to be more in the moment rather than looking at your partner and wondering what they are looking at, what they will do next or what they are thinking. It can also increase your other senses and allow you to relax more and fantasize where it can help to open up. Learn to love your body! Stand in front of a mirror and appreciate the curves, only look at the good and find something to compliment yourself on. Getting counseling or treatment can be very helpful as it generally focuses more on improved communication (verbal and nonverbal), working on non-sexual intimacy, which can help with sexual intimacy, or education about sexuality. Many times sexual inhibitions can be due to lack of knowledge when it comes to sexuality. Working on these things can help open the mid to more intimate possibilities and just making a small change in the mindset can be all the difference needed.
If you are looking to get more information, guidance or coaching to improve your intimacy by learning how to release some of your sexual inhibitions, reach out to Dr, Stacy at 561-899-7669 or go to www.DrStacy.org. A complimentary 15 minute consult can see if coaching is right for you and learn how it can benefit you in your relationship and your future. If now isn’t the time to make a change, then when is? Call now! – Dr. Stacy “My passion is to help you create yours!”
Dr. Stacy Friedman
5700 Lake Worth Road,Suite 110, Geenacres, FL 33467