Dr. Stacy Friedman
First, rule out medical issues that may be affecting your libido. Low testosterone, estrogen, progesterone, thyroid issues, diabetes and depression can affect desire and/or responsiveness. If you do have an issue, finding the right care and learning how to balance your hormones can make a big difference in your libido.
Next, communicate… not just when you want to have sex. Instead, take time to talk about sex, your desires and needs. We talk about the house, kids, work, sports, friends, but are hesitant to discuss our intimate concerns. It’s a must to discuss sex to keep relationships running smooth. Explore issues surrounding sexual desire, frequency, and time of day. Are you ok with quickies, or are there times you just want to feel closeness, maybe, to just hold each other and have alone time? Explore both your and your partner’s desires so you can both understand how to effectively compromise and have the most fun when you are together.
Try to spice it up! Sex can feel monotonous, especially in long-term relationships, so try something new. Have sex in a different part of the house, at a different time of the day, take a shower together – suds each other up, give one another a massage with no sexual expectations. Sometimes you need to enjoy the act of touch so the pressure of having sex is off the table and can gradually return on its own. Learn how to enjoy the journey, make it fun and take the pressure off sex just to reach orgasm. You may find out that sex is fun again.
Lastly, just GO FOR IT! Do you or your partner ever go home and get excited to do laundry, mow the lawn, pay bills or clean your home? Of course not, but you do it because it makes your home and relationship run smooth. Desire isn’t always going to be there, especially when you have been in a long-term relationship. Sometimes you do things you may not be in the mood for because it makes your partner and your home life happy. Maybe he wants to go to a game or you want to see a movie and you decide to do what makes the other person happy even if you don’t have the desire. Once you do, you wind up having fun and enjoying each other at the end. Same thing can happen with sex. You may not have the desire at first, but are usually satisfied by the time you have finished!
Remember, sex and intimacy make both you and your partner feel valued, desired and loved. Without it, you may feel resentment and a loss of connection. Use these tips to keep sex and intimacy alive in your relationship. We all need to feel loved and appreciated. If you feel that you are losing connection or are struggling with intimacy, please seek coaching to make the positive changes to your relationship before it may be too late. Please contact me at www. DrStacy.org and 561-899-7669 for a complimentary consult. “My passion is to help you create yours!” – Dr. Stacy